we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
