Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
