and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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