apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
