Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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