I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
