You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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