I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
