This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
