he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
