Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
