I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
