I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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