Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
