the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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