She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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