I'm lost and stupid without you.
someone threw a dead crab at me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He passed out mid-signature
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
