I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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