ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
