he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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