If i come over, it means nothing
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
