I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
