is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
