When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
