I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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