My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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