I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
