3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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