I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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