Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
