The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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