You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
