be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
home. puking in laundry basket.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
