K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
