Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
