just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
