I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
