My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
