Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
