My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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