We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
