people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
