that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
