so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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