i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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