just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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