I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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