The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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