Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
