my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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