Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
