Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
