I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
