what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
