am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
