Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
