How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
