Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
